Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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