my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
