in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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