Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
