R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
