one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
