so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
