I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
