I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
