Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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