your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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