Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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