1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize