And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
FUCK WHALES
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
