I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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