Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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