NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
