i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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