I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
