well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
