Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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