phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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