why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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