i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
