I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
