Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize