i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
