I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
