my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize