New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
