Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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