I want to make a zoo with you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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