My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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