So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
