I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
