the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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