Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
