i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
