watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
