hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize