Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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