It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
