Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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