And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
