I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
