the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize