First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
