Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
