Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
