I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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