Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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