Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
