1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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