I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
