hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
