Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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