I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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