My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
