Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
