remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
