areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
