I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
