She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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