There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize