Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am one with the molecules
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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