omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
