Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
