When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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