Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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