Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
