I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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