The maid of honor just puked.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize