Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
